Who am I
by tara4ever
Summary: Set at the end of btvs episode "who are you" - begins as kind of an alternative ending where faith and buffy share an intimate moment and goes on from there.
1. Chapter 1

Buffy slammed Faith against the wall, _damn that was going to hurt tomorrow, _she hadn't realised before just how strong Faith's body was. Buffy saw the look of pain in her own face and knew it was time to strike. She reached forward and grabbed her body's hand. Suddenly there was this glowing light emanating between them, Faith looked into Buffy's eyes and for a moment, for the first time ever, the two slayers really saw each other. The gaze was held only for a moment before Faith, now in her own body, pulled away.

_What the fuck was that?_ Buffy's thoughts pretty much mirrored that sentiment. Buffy faltered as she leaned against the wall. _There was so much pain. What was that? _ She glanced at Faith who was doing the same kind of double take; _was that...Faith? _She remembered looking into Faith's eyes just a moment ago and it was like she had seen into her soul. _I never knew she was hurting so much. _Buffy was still in a thoughtful daze so Faith took her chance.

**Bam!**

Buffy was snapped out of her thoughts by Faith's fist sailing through the air causing her to stumble and fall to the floor. Faith jumped on top of her and they began to wrestle for the upper hand exerting all of their slayer strength on each other. Buffy had the advantage and rolled them over so she was on top of Faith where she managed to sneak in a few blows to the face before Faith won and was back on top.

As they revolved, their eyes met and they both shared a confused, emotion-filled look and seemed to both catch a glimpse of each other's soul again only this time there was no magic involved. Faith was the one to break this connection, again. Buffy closed her eyes and prepared herself for yet another of the dark slayers' blows but instead she felt something a whole lot different; Faith's lips planted angrily against her own.

Buffy lay still, bewildered for a second, then Faith's rough embrace became calm and gentle and as she slowly nipped at Buffy's lower lip, passion took hold inside Buffy and she returned the kiss. Heat built inside them and Faith gradually slipped her tongue in to entangle it with Buffy's. The blonde's hands worked their way up Faith's body until they found her face and began caressing the spot where, just a few minutes ago, she had been violently bruising. They then went further interlacing her fingers with the beautifully soft brunette hair and pulling Faith closer, deepening the kiss.

From out of nowhere a voice breached the fiery ambience and woke the two from their lustful embrace "well well what do we have here?" . They looked at each other, reality sinking in;

_What the fuck did you just do Faith? You just kissed B; the bitch who tried to kill you and put you in a coma for 8 months. The one who killed Richard._

With that Faith jumped up quickly and faced the voice's owner, another one of Adam's vamps. Faith dusted him effortlessly, glanced back at Buffy who was just sitting up and was staring at her with a look of shock and awe, and ran.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN. Thanks for the reviews :) This is my very first fanfic so any ideas for improvements are welcomed. Also, just to mention italics are character's thoughts.**

Buffy stood up, still utterly bewildered by what had just happened. _What exactly had just happened? _she asked herself as she surveyed the dust ridden church. At that moment Giles and the rest of the Scoobies entered switching Buffy into slayer mode; she checked the chapel for more vamps, as she was determining that it was all clear Giles spoke up

"What happened, did it work?"

"Of course it worked, do I look like a psychopathic super bitch?" Buffy retorted sarcastically.

_Why did it feel so weird saying that, it's the truth. Isn't it? After everything Faith's done to hurt me and the people I love why does it feel so wrong to call her a bitch? _

"Where did Faith go?" Willow inquired with a look, mixed between fear and wanting to kick some ass, on her face.

"She bolted" Buffy answered vacantly.

Willow sensed something was off.

"Are you ok Buffy? What happened in here?"

Buffy's eyes opened in shock at the question.

_What exactly had happened? What did it mean and how am I supposed to explain it to the others? _She turned round to face willow and replied,

"I got here and she was fighting some vamps, then we fought and I used your glowy spell to do the switcheroo then she ran away as per usual" _well that's mostly the truth._

There was a knock on the door and Riley walked in "Is all the fighting over?"

"Yep. All the vamps are poofed" replied Buffy looking up at her cute commando boyfriend.

He put his arms around her and held her close and she hugged him back. He had been worried about her going in there all alone and she had missed being in her own body, in her boyfriend's arms. She smiled at the comfort that his embrace gave her after the day's events of escaping the watcher's council... but something was different, wrong, the scent of him when they embraced usually filled her up with an overwhelming feeling of happiness but that wasn't happening this time. She smiled to convey normality to everyone else but inside her head was a different story altogether.

* * *

_Why does this feel so weird? I'm hugging my boyfriend, my wonderful, handsome, trustworthy boyfriend; this is supposed to make me feel happy not ...what is it I'm feeling?... Empty._

An image of Faith flashed through her mind.

_Why am I thinking about Faith when Riley's here? _

Buffy leaned in to Riley and he leaned in and kissed his lips moved against hers but all she could picture was Faith.

_Her beautiful, soft curly brunette hair, her dark, deep brooding eyes, her soft, gentle, silky smooth lips brushing against hers, her flawlessly toned, beautifully curvy body pressing against hers, those two perfect..._ _What in the holy hellsmouth is happening to me?:_

_1) I hate Faith. She is criminally insane and a psychotic bitch who is hell bent on hurting me in any and every way possible. _

_2) She is a girl. A girl as am I a girl, and I am not gay.  
__I like guys I've always liked guys. Big, strong, handsome men, albeit sometimes dead men but always MEN. So this, whatever it is, cannot be happening. _

_It must just be some after effects of the body swapping spell. _

She thought desperately attempting to reassure herself.

* * *

"W-w-what did I do" Faith uttered frantically to herself as she ran through the back streets of Sunnydale.

She thought back through the events of that day.

She had had to go to that church, she had felt compelled to.  
With Buffy, in her own body, locked up by the watchers council, she was the only slayer left, how could she just leave when all those people were in danger; it was her responsibility to help and she had never experienced responsibility before.

For once she genuinely cared and it confused the hell out of her. Was she really changing or was it some weird effects of the magic that had switched their bodies.

She felt burdened and alone; all day she had hung out with Buffy's friends, partied at the bronze and even hooked up with Buffy's new boytoy but somehow all of this had made her feel so alone.

Somehow she knew this wasn't just her usual loneliness brought on from years of having no one to look after and care for her. No. this was something different, something deeper; being around all these people, being so close to having normal relationships but never quite accomplishing them because 'you're different from all of them, because you're a slayer'.

_ Is this how B feels all the time? This crippling loneliness? I never knew. I never understood. How does she deal with this?_


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Sorry about the HUGE delay I've been busy with exams, holidays and starting a levels. Also major lack of inspiration.**

Chapter 3

Riley looked deep into her eyes; he knew this was going to hurt her but he just had to tell her. It wasn't in his nature not to.

"You slept with her... me?!" Buffy exclaimed and then proceeded to storm out of Riley's dorm.

_How could he do this to me, especially with HER? I can't believe she did this again. Well actually...I can._

As she collapsed onto her bed in her own dorm she was flooded with emotions; a deep-seated feeling of betrayal, an overwhelming amount of anger and hurt followed by a tsunami of jealousy.

The betrayal, anger and hurt she could deal with but the jealousy...that was a curious one.

It tossed and turned her about making her insides flail about and her mind scream for air desperate to keep from drowning in the overpowering torrent of confusion.

She was obviously jealous seeing as her boyfriend had cheated on her. With someone way more experienced in the bedroom department than her, to make it worse. But that wasn't all she was feeling. What she was truly feeling she couldn't quite fathom.

The truth was too scary for her to admit to. (and coming from a slayer who faced demons, vampires and apocalypses on a daily basis that was saying something)

Playing through her mental images of Riley and Faith together she realised she was fixated on Faith. She imagined Faith in her true form and relished every detail. The soft curvature of her body, the rough beauty of her face, she imagined how it would feel to run her hands through the brunette's hair and to be able to lay kisses all over that body. Soon the truth lay before her. Undeniable and unchangeable. She was more jealous of Riley than of Faith.


End file.
